Have you ever seen one of those “I finally left him” memes on instagram? You know, the ones of a woman who looks to be in her 80s, wearing a big smile on her face?
Okay so, I logged into my personal instagram page last weekend and when I did, that was the first photo I saw. When I saw it, I cringed. Maybe it was because I once invested time in a man who never saw himself with me. Or maybe it was because I know others who have experienced this also. Whatever the reason, the photo rubbed me off the wrong way.
Then I read the comments…
There were a lot of “LOL”s, “???” and “LMAO”s. People left comments like “that will never be me” “idiot, why didn’t you die there” “stupid girls”. As I scrolled through, I couldn’t help but wonder how the women who have gone through this might feel. I mean, if it got to me (and I left my situation early), how would other females who have gone through this (and are much older) feel?
Because I am a believer of God and love and HOPE, I decided to share this story about one of most amazing women I know:
Joy is one of the kindest people ever. She is beautiful, intelligent and GENEROUS. She has a good paying job, is actively involved in her community and goes out of her way (literally) to make sure everyone is okay.
Joy dated a man for 15 years. This happened between the 1980’s and the 1990s when there was limited phone access (so her mother in Nigeria couldn’t ask her when they were getting married) and no social media (so she didn’t have to endure the millions of of “weddings of the year” photos EVERY SINGLE SECOND). Anyway, Joy had nothing to worry about. It’s not like she was single or waiting for an unavailable/married man to leave an awful situation and be with her. Her man was working hard to be able to give their future family the best life possible.She knew she would get married to him one day. It was only a matter of time.
On day, her boyfriend called her at work and told her to buy a wedding dress. “I am tired of waiting” he said, “let’s just get married”. Elated, bought her wedding dress (she knew the exact one she wanted, she had her eyes on it for some time) and thanked God for finally answering her prayers.
Long story shorter, the man stole her wedding dress, went back to Nigeria and married someone else – a younger lady who was “highly recommended” by his family. When he came back to the States, he simply told her that she (Joy) was getting older and he did not want to risk having a child with down syndrome (Joy has a younger sibling with down syndrome – funny, the dude knew this the entire time but didn’t feel the need to bring it up as an issue and keep dating her for 15 YEARS).
She was devastated. She did everything right. She didn’t nag about marriage because she didn’t want to pressure him . She didn’t sleep around. This was someone she grew with. They both came from Nigeria to NYC around the same time and dated through college. She was just waiting for a man who (unfortunately) never saw her in his happily ever after.
It took a few years but eventually, she did get married and had 2 healthy twin boys at age 52.
It is so easy to point fingers and judge as an outsider looking in. To create hurtful memes, to laugh at them in the comments section or even wonder how a woman could date someone for 15 years? We forget that “the standard we judge is how we will be judged” (Mattew 7:2) and to just be grateful that that is not our story.
So my dear, if you were dating the person you thought was the man of your dreams and woke up recently (2,5,10 or 15 years later) with nothing to show for it, GOOD MORNING!! ??It’s a brand new time in your life! Forgive yourself, keep your head and your hope up! God is still God and now that you have gotten rid of the old, SMILE babygirl because your something new in here!!!! ??
Please, if you are reading this and you are in a situation that you know in your heart isn’t going anywhere, RUN!!!!!!! My darling IVF IS EXPENSIVE AND PAINFUL AND DEPRESSING! You do not want to go through that process if you don’t have to. STOP DATING HIS POTENTIAL AND END IT NOW! Asin, now! Like right now!
As always, thank you for reading and have a great rest of the week ???
P.S. – Oh, I forgot to tell you! You wanna know who ended up with a child with Down Syndrome? Yup, you guessed it, JOY’S EX! You just gotta love karma ☺